Just a while after I posted the ‘why do people smoke’ post, I received a call from my eldest sister saying that my 5th uncle had committed suicide. I was really sad.
Imagine this… You have 5 sons, 1 died few years ago due to liver failure, the other died in this year February, and then another committed suicide. How would you feel? Its just like you are becoming more and more handicapped as they (your sons) are part of you. It’s just like having a knife stabbed into your wound again and again and again when it has not even been healed. It seems like it’s endless waves of Tsunamis rushing towards you, literally. The sorrows are hard to describe. This is what I believe my paternal grandparents must be feeling.
Now, there’s only my Dad and 3rd uncle around. However, I am grateful and takes joy that he accepted Christ before his death. Thank You Jesus.
____________________________________________________________________
A tribute to you, 5th Uncle…
Out of all the uncles, I was the least close to you. From young, I followed suit what others (relatives) would do, to keep a distance from you because you are mentally retarded. Years after years, it became a habit just to call you for the sake of calling, wishing you ‘Happy Chinese New Year’ for the sake that you are my uncle. I did not have the courage to talk to you when you are inside the room, sleeping after I greet you at Grandma’s house. I was critical to you, observing your words and actions, making sure that you will not do any harm. I did not let my ‘feeling sorry for you feeling be accompanied with the right actions. Then, we drifted further and further apart. It did not hit or even bothered me that I was treating you this way these years until moments ago that I recapped the moments I had spent with you. What have become of me? I am disappointed in myself to which why I behaved this way towards you. Why I can’t just go those extra miles for you, can’t love you the way you are? I am nothing. Really nothing. When I saw you in the coffin yesterday, I know it is too late. It is too late to do what I want to do, to love you.
I lift all these regrets into His hands and to learn from this precious lesson and not to repeat history again.
Life has its vulnerabilities. Do not wait for tomorrow to do things that is to be done today. We would lose what we do not treasure… its enough for me to learn this the hard way.
For those concerned people out there, I am alright. Thanks for your concerns.
Moving on.
Imagine this… You have 5 sons, 1 died few years ago due to liver failure, the other died in this year February, and then another committed suicide. How would you feel? Its just like you are becoming more and more handicapped as they (your sons) are part of you. It’s just like having a knife stabbed into your wound again and again and again when it has not even been healed. It seems like it’s endless waves of Tsunamis rushing towards you, literally. The sorrows are hard to describe. This is what I believe my paternal grandparents must be feeling.
Now, there’s only my Dad and 3rd uncle around. However, I am grateful and takes joy that he accepted Christ before his death. Thank You Jesus.
____________________________________________________________________
A tribute to you, 5th Uncle…
Out of all the uncles, I was the least close to you. From young, I followed suit what others (relatives) would do, to keep a distance from you because you are mentally retarded. Years after years, it became a habit just to call you for the sake of calling, wishing you ‘Happy Chinese New Year’ for the sake that you are my uncle. I did not have the courage to talk to you when you are inside the room, sleeping after I greet you at Grandma’s house. I was critical to you, observing your words and actions, making sure that you will not do any harm. I did not let my ‘feeling sorry for you feeling be accompanied with the right actions. Then, we drifted further and further apart. It did not hit or even bothered me that I was treating you this way these years until moments ago that I recapped the moments I had spent with you. What have become of me? I am disappointed in myself to which why I behaved this way towards you. Why I can’t just go those extra miles for you, can’t love you the way you are? I am nothing. Really nothing. When I saw you in the coffin yesterday, I know it is too late. It is too late to do what I want to do, to love you.
I lift all these regrets into His hands and to learn from this precious lesson and not to repeat history again.
Life has its vulnerabilities. Do not wait for tomorrow to do things that is to be done today. We would lose what we do not treasure… its enough for me to learn this the hard way.
For those concerned people out there, I am alright. Thanks for your concerns.
Moving on.
Comments