thoughts

beyond the smiles, the laughter and perhaps idk, the strong and courageous girl you see is this part of me who is sad and discouraged. who tears.

I do not know where to start and had tried a few times to blog about this, and then finding myself pressing the "X" button. so i will just share exactly how I feel now...

you know, it is not easy. to see myself having ezcema. it is hard. to see new spots infected by it.
it is terrible to find out occasionally after waking up from sleep that your own fingers, yes, are the 'killer'. all those times of unknowingly itch being attended by them. The spot of blood.

the fact that i no longer can wear short skirts and what not.
the fact that the scars are so easily visible. Hideous scars.
the fact that it got so terrible that two of my colleagues actually asked if i had a fall. it sure did looked like it and i don't blame them a single bit.

adding on is my knees who is generally weak as compared to that as a normal person.
the fact that i look and appear like i have injured/ sprained my leg when i walk.

of being freaked out when i watch this one tv telecast of '我猜，我猜，我猜猜猜' whereby they showed pictures of those girls with make up on, and invited the real them out, w/o any make up... its a world of a difference. then i had this sigh inside of me... and i thought it is really a world of courage they have to step out like this....

i ain't any superwoman and yes i do feel like mud during these down times...
but yet, i am absolutely thankful for God's love overwhelming me all these years.

it is not what we are facing, but how we respond to it that matters.

seriously, i might really fall into depression if i haven't met God. no joke.... i could have
think negative, speak negative, and in turn become negative without You.

but.... i am really thankful that...

i am able to smile (genuinely) thru these times and i know that God is faithful despite all.

*pats myself on the back and says: jiayou!!*

tho this may be with me for my whole life, but still, I am gonna lift my head up, to You and You alone. i am not ever gonna admit defeat for i am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Dearest Ps Kong just posted this on his blog and it is really ministering to me...

here goes...

CLICK HERE

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I almost cried after reading this post. So relevant to me. You know, there is no such things as : i believe *insert any names* don't need my encouragements since she/he is so strong. Cos IMHO, i reckon that all of us need to have this magical touch on our soul. Thru the words people speaks. By this, i do not mean being too affected by the words people say for that is not what matters the most. But, yes, if you do get what I mean.

and yes it is thru the tangible HTHTs with God which really really makes me strong.

which makes me who i am today.

i am left speechless and touched to receive encouragements from my friends; like this..



and this...



THANK YOU FRIENDS....



'Let the weak say they are strong'. Amen and amen!